What 3 year olds like

A few months ago, I shared the gift list for the girls' 3rd birthday and Christmas. Well now that we've had a month of fun and play and Christmas is over for 2013, I can confidently share with you what my 3 year olds like to play with.

Clockwise from top left

• A playhouse with little people and furniture. The enjoy making up stories and scenarios and its amazing to see the breadth of their imagination. Pictured is the Fisher-Price Little People Home which had been sitting in the garage for over a year before I brought it out last week. Any dollhouse would do but I have no complaints about this one especially as it has a lot of extras - farm, animals, school bus, zoo etc - available online and in stores
• Coloring books, writing books and stickers. Thanks to Samantha's advice, I got a pre-K learn to write book that Sugar seriously loves practicing her numbers on. (Johanna of Baker Twins suggested building their hand muscles with playdough and I do have that in storage but just can't figure out how to incorporate it into play without making a big hardwood-ruining mess)
• Dress up clothes and accessories 
• Electronic music activity board (LeapFrog Touch Magic Ocean Music School)
• Jigsaw puzzles. 10-30 pieces appears to be ideal for their current skill level. Spice really loves her Dora puzzles and our puzzle collection has been growing rapidly
• Twin mom tip 1: Have the kids try to solve the puzzles together and/or separately depending on their dynamics. 4 times out of 5, the sanity of our house is preserved by keeping the girls working on 2 different puzzles at least two-arms-length apart (see photo above)
• Twin mom tip 2: Store individual puzzles in ziplock bags and let the kids learn to get a bag, solve puzzle, break it up and put it back in the bag. We have that routine down to a pat and it saves me picking up puzzle pieces after them

There you have it! I think most of the items on the list worked out really well. What say you? What did your 3 year olds enjoy at this stage?

The Wonder of the Season

Elf on the shelf, advent calendars and other Pinterest-worthy activities
Family pictures and photos with Santa
Meeting the mailing deadline for cards and presents
How much to spend on gifts
Should you gift your colleagues?
What of the boss, cleaning lady and bus driver?
Travel craze and sometimes rage
Family reunions and drama
Christmas menu planning
Store-bought or made-from-scratch?

Tis the season for many-a-stressful moment... But sometimes we need to pause and enjoy the wonder of the season through the eyes of a child (or two)

For my little ladies, one of their favorite things to do this time of the year is to gaze out the window and admire the snow, trees and squirrels. So simple!

Here's wishing you a simple, delightful Christmas season.

A tale of 2 trees

In our house, there sits 2 Christmas trees.

Tree number one is the fancy tree...all $20 worth of fancy. On it hang glitter-covered apples and pears - a testament to my sometimes-imaginary crunchy nature. The girls hung all the ornaments on the bottom so you'll see some branches sporting up to 3 ornaments each.

Tree number 2 is the heart tree. Hidden away upstairs in the family quarters. On it hangs the twins' first shoes, custom/handmade ornaments from my sisters, 2 "baby's 1st Christmas 2010" ornaments and a little ornament from our 2011 Christmas in St John's Newfoundland. This tree is a little short and a little bare but every ornament on it is precious and I hope to fill it up over the years as we write the history of our family.

Which tree do you think is my favorite? Which one is yours: the fancy tree or the heart tree?

PS: I love using the girls' first shoes as Christmas ornaments. For other ideas on things to do with baby's first shoes, see the post I wrote 2 years ago.

Linking with Kelly's Korner blog

Santa's Empty Bag

And THIS, people is why Santa's bag will be almost empty this Christmas.

A playroom full of oft-ignored toys
A tote that can't close due to the abundance of 4T clothes that are waiting for the girls to grow
A cupboard or two filled with "not yet ready for them" toys

More than I hate clutter, I hate for my girls to have so much that they lose the joy of enjoying "just enough".

We're blessed. God has been very good to us this year. The girls have more than enough toys and clothes to take them into next Christmas. So we're making things real easy for Santa this year. He can come down that chimney with an empty bag and it'll be all good. It works for us. We'll still have a very merry Christmas once we get around to cleaning the playroom!

What's it like having 3 year old twins?

They're 3!

Yes indeed! Am I excited? Yes I am!
Is this belated birthday post going to be chock full of exclamation marks? Yes it is! :)


Having 3 year olds is amazing! They're playing together, having coherent conversations with us and each other and yes, fighting like cat and dog.

So what do their stats look like these days? I'm happy to respond that they've maintained the trend of their first and second years beautifully.

The adorable Ms Spice
Weighs a little over 27lbs and is just under 25th percentile for weight. Height-wise she's 36.5 inches which puts her squarely in the 25th percentile range for height as well. At age two she was around 23rd percentile on the CDC chart and I expected her to gain 3-6lbs over the year which she did. (Y'all know I'm anal about my charts and numbers, right?!)

Communication: This girl puts together some very advanced sentences. The most shocking was on their birthday when I told her it was time to go to the rec center for our sports class. She looked me in the eye and said "I'm not going anywhere today". And that, people, is a 5 word sentence that made this mother's jaw drop

Kindergaten prep: Recognizes all her letters in upper and lowercase. Can recite her numbers to 20 and also count objects. Knows her colors and recognizes her name when it's spelt out

Loves: Hoarding collecting interesting artifacts, jewelry, envelopes, stuffed animals, magazine clippings, plastic cards, coupons... you catch my drift?

With her sister, she puts her choices in the backburner and goes to her for comfort when we ignore her for naughtiness

With her mummy, she can get away with a lot when she begs nicely because she's had maybe one tantrum in the last one year and who can bear to say no to a kid who is so gentle and unargumentative

With her daddy, she shares a lot of physical and personality traits that make them best buddies

With family and teachers, she's quick and generous with her hugs and makes everyone feel like they're her most special people.

The bubbly Ms Sugar
Is 38 inches tall and weighs in at 27.5lbs. That's also under 25th percentile for weight and 60th percentile for height. I think she has maintained her growth trend for the year - at age two the doctor's office measured them to be the same height but Sugar was obviously taller, nurse was just not patient.

Communication: She's still noticeably behind Spice in her communication and sentence making but she's still developing at her own pace and manages to get her point across just fine

Kindergaten prep: Apart from everything I listed for Spice, she is also able to count to 30 (that was twenty-zero for a while) and has an amazing memory for words and song lyrics

Loves: Exploring places and things - locked bags, locked doors, remote controls, electronic gadgets, cupboards, drawers etc.

With her sister, she's the number one tormentor and protector

With her mummy, she's good at keeping me on my toes and melting me with unexpected moments of supreme sugary sweetness following some equally intense tantrums

With her daddy, they're able to make each other cry tears of joy and frustration and silliness in the space of one minute

With family and teachers, she makes them work hard to be allowed into the circle of trust. When they get in, they're quickly wrapped around that stubby little finger.

Happy birthday my angels. I'm so proud to be your mother and everyday I'm learning to be a better, more patient person because of you. Thank you!

Destination Motherhood: A Twin Birth Story

This time 3 years ago, I picked up my hospital bag and headed to Methodist Hospital Houston to deliver my fraternal twin girls. I was 39 weeks pregnant. I didn't know what to expect and I didn't have a birth plan. I was going to wing it on hope and prayer because in my wildest dreams, I did not imagine an ending as surreal and ordinary as me walking into labor and delivery to have twin babies on just another Tuesday. 

I'm sharing my birth story today on the HDYDI blog.  I hope you'll stop over to read it and the many other stories from twin moms. 

Cheap Thrills For the 3 Year Old

My girls will be turning 3 in a few days and I've spent the last couple of months researching and buying the "best toys" for their age. However, the realization hit me recently that the things that make my girls giddily happy most of the time are actually low-cost and I could totally give them a great birthday experience without breaking the bank. 

Here's my list of cheap and thrilling potential gifts for my 3 year olds (and maybe yours too)

• A letter addressed to them in the mailbox. Spice has be walking around with an envelope with her name on it for 3 days now. She slept with it under her pillow. She knows I pick up the mail every evening and now recognizes that her name written down. Imagine her joy if I actually bring out an envelope with HER name on it from the mailbox
• A flashlight - any generic one from a dollar store would do. The girls beg and plead to play with the ones we have at home almost daily
• Stickers
• Old gadgets - like an old computer keyboard or camera. I saw the daycare had an old keyboard in the girls' room a few weeks back and they so enjoyed banging away
• Hairbands as bracelets - my little fashionista loves to wear theseon her hand and I got a pack of hundred for less than $5.
• Play money or empty giftcards. Somehow they've figured out the concept of money and credit cards and they love holding my store loyalty cards for me. I've also started teaching them to read the value/number off the currency notes as a bonus
• Their favorite foods - it's their birthday afterall. We can totally spend the day indulging in KFC chicken, ice cream, lollipops and grapes
• A little ID card with their pictures on it - This came with the Halloween firemen costumes and the girls aren't messing with their cards

This list is fairly specific to us but I bet one common thread that 3 year olds share is that they can be easily and cheaply pleased. I think this knowledge will be shaping my toy purchases going forward into the 3s.

What about you? What have you spent money on and later realized that your kids would have been just as happy with a cheaper and more common alternative? 

How do you save on birthday and holiday gifts for twins?

Potty Training - The Final Chapter?

It has finally happened. Today my Sugar slept in her big girl undies all night and woke up DRY! That's right people. Approximately
569 days after they first sat on a potty
293 days after I actively started the potty training
I have potty-trained twins!

Night Potty Training Twins: The final Chapter - How it happened.

Time to retire the potty!

Part 1: Spice was the first to become night trained. One night after she had conquered the daytime part of using the potty, she woke up screaming and frantic. I thought she had a nightmare but also notice she seemed fidgety. I took her to the potty and she peed and went back to sleep. That was the last time she needed to sleep in a diaper. She's been dry overnight and diaper-free ever since.
Time to fully potty train? Around 100 days

Part 2: Sugar also had a screaming fidgeting episode overnight and I followed the same formula I used with Spice. She stayed dry for 2 nights and on the third her bed was soaked so I put her back in diapers. She continued to use and soak her nighttime diapers until a few weeks back when she discovered the joy of waking up at night to sneak into mommy's bed. Her winning formula was to go to OUR bathroom, take care of her business and then come snuggle into our bed. Eventually we cured the sneaking into our bed part of things but she's now gotten used to getting up at night to pee and going right back to bed. 
Time to fully potty train? Around 185 days

Lessons learnt

1. Twins are different, their potty training timelines and milestones will be different too. One twin holds her pee all night to stay dry while the other wakes up at night to use the toilet and stay dry. Same birthdates, same parents, different styles.
2. Speaking of parents, go with what works for you the parent. I had read all about the 3-day potty-training method which is all the rage on the interwebs and thought I needed to do that to get my mommy laurels. Well 2 hours into trailing naked twins on hardwood floors in a rented apartment, I decided that my blood pressure and sanity could not handle that particular style of potty training. 
3. Don't sweat it or force it. I wanted to put Sugar in panties when I saw that Spice was staying dry overnight. I put her in panties and used the sheet protectors to get her to night train, but after the third night of soaked sheets and plenty of laundry I decided I was not ready for the additional laundry work required. I made up my mind to leave her in nighttime diapers until she turned 4 if necessary before attempting to actively night-train with sheet protectors
4. Speaking of laundry, let them have a few consecutive dry nights before you assume they're ready for overnight panties. 
5. It's going to take me a while to get used to the fact that I have no business in the baby aisles anymore. I'm still clipping diaper coupons y'all! Hard to break a 4 year habit
6. What am I going to do with the freed up bathroom floor space when I move the diaper genie to the garage?

I can't end this potty training twins saga without giving a shout-out the resources I believe contributed to our success the most!
MandyE's potty training process for her twins which was paced over a few months and gave me a good insight into the emotional aspects of potty-training.
AND

Diaper-Free Before 3 - The first and only book I've read on potty training. I agreed with the author's style of not making a big deal out of what is basically another bodily function and it helped shape my approach.

Celebrating Thanksgiving as a non-Canadian (American) Family

Thanksgiving is a big holiday both in Canada and USA. Some would say it's the biggest, most widely accepted holiday of the year. Coming from Nigeria however, Thanksgiving has never held a lot of meaning for me. The same cannot be said for my kids. For all intents and purposes, my kids are more Canadian than Nigerian and they are at the age of being conscious of national holidays and wanting to celebrate those holidays at home like typical Canadians.

So the question becomes; how do you celebrate a holiday that is foreign to you? Here are my tips:

Simple Pumpkin Centerpiece

• Decorate for the holiday. It doesn't have to be anything elaborate. A fireplace or dining table is always a good spot for simple seasonal decorations like wreaths, table runners, candles and centerpieces. For this thanksgiving, I had a simple fall-themed runner on the table as well as a pumpkin centerpiece. These two items cost me less than $20 in total but contributed immensely to the celebratory vibe.
• Celebrate the day and make it special in whatever way your family celebrates holidays. This could be with friends, at a public place that has special festivities or with an elaborate meal at home. We chose to have a fancy lunch at home. 
• Encourage the excitement by having kids participate in decorating and preparations for the big day. I took my kids shopping for pumpkins which they decorated for the table centerpiece. 
• Learn about how Canadians/Americans celebrate Thanksgiving and then decide which parts of their practices will be incorporated into your family's celebration. For this thanksgiving, I learnt to make cranberry sauce and some pumpkin dishes (specifically pumpkin pancakes and muffins) as these were the easiest dishes for me to replicate with having a kitchen disaster. We also embraced the practice of going round the table and everyone saying what they were thankful for.
• Make dishes that most members of the family can enjoy. Don't duplicate the full American thanksgiving menu if none of you will enjoy it. Get feedback from your family beforehand if necessary. Asking my kids about the menu led to me substituting roasted potatoes with fried plantains. 
• If your kids are picky eaters, let them participate in the shopping and meal preparation. Kids are more likely to eat something they helped prepare. My kids were excited to play a big role in making the cranberry sauce and they ate it with gusto
• Incorporate parts of your home culture into the menu and/or activities so that it becomes your own unique family experience. Our menu did not just consist of the typical turkey and cranberry sauce fare, we also included jollof rice and plantain which made it a very Nigerian-Canadian Thanksgiving

Simple sides for a Nigerian-Canadian Thanksgiving

What say you, do you have any ideas for making Thanksgiving more meaningful for your multicultural family? 

Work-out Your Workplace Style

Day 29 of my series on Work-Life Balance

It would be a travesty for me to get so close to the end of this not-so31-days series without talking about style and fashion in the workplace. A simple google search will show you that this is an evergreen topic of discussion. There are plenty of guides telling women what to wear, what not to wear and most of them always feature women in some form of suit. Doesn't work for me and probably everyone who works in casual or business casual settings.

Not every workplace style guide is applicable to individual situations but there are some general rules for working out your workplace style

1. Dress for your environment: Believe it or not, I spent the first year of my career as an associate in an accounting firm. Heels and powers suits were the norm. Then I switched to working a field engineering job and lived in the same 3 pairs of jeans for like forever. THEN I moved to an office job and even though I could still wear my jeans, I had to ditched the holey, stone-washed versions. Truth is as the office and job description changed, my style evolved as a necessity because I have to dress for the job and position. Some offices are uber formal, some are super casual. You want to follow the trend BUT...
2. Use fashion as a tool for standing out: You want to blend with the style environment of your workplace but still standout from the crowd. Let your personality shine through your "uniform". That stand-out factor can be hairstyle, choice of accessories, use of color etc. It's that thing that makes you memorable and yes, being memorable is important
3. Dress like a woman: I don't know if I should duck flying objects after typing that but it has to be said. Even if you work in a male-dominated environment. ESPECIALLY if you work in a male-dominated environment. I entered college in 1994 and have been in school and work situations that are predominantly male ever since. Up until five years ago, I dressed like the tomboy I was. There was a time a policeman stopped me on my way home from work, noticed my name on my driver's license, looked at me quizzically and asked "are you male or female?" So yeah, I'm totally writing from experience here. The way you dress influences the way you are perceived and I've found that it can be either second-rate wannabe male or competent female or somewhere in between the two.  I'm not advocating frills, bows and flowers; what I'm saying is don't hide your gender behind your clothes 
4. Unless you work in a club, clubbing clothes are not office clothes: There's an envelope of professional dressing and some businesses have it well-defined in their human resources manual and some do not. I'm not going to put my personal definition on what constitutes professional vs unprofessional dressing; all I'm gonna say is when your name comes up, your colleagues should think of your job competence first before they think of your bizness ASSets.

I'll be writing about being a working mother throughout October and sharing my personal experiences. Emphasis on personal. I realise that everyone's situation is different and what works for me may not be the best for someone else.

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Put Yourself Together

Day 21 of my series on Work-Life Balance

Work-Life Balance = Being happy and content at home and at work
  = looking well put together + other things

One of the things I did just before having the twins was go to Macys and buy loungewear - that's a fancy name for pajamas with a zip in front. I had read stories online from other twin moms who confessed to being so tired and stretched thin that they couldn't find time for showers and even meals some days. Since they were speaking from experience, I got ready to walk down the same path.

Cue a few weeks later, the twins were born and I was puttering round the house unshowered, in my "lounge wear" with my hair looking like a hot mess. My sister, who had come to help me with the kids, took one look at me and asked "why are you looking like this?" I explained how tiring it was all supposed to be and putting some of my needs in the back burner blablabla. She fairly kindly assured me that if I tried to get up earlier, take a shower and dress up real nice, I'd feel really good about myself. Since she also happens to have 2 kids plus work crazy hours as a doctor, I figured her suggestion was worth trying so I did.

I didn't feel good. I felt GREAT. I didn't realize the effect being freshly groomed for the day would have on my psyche - it took me from overwhelmed to confidently competent and since then, I've found time to get myself put together everyday regardless of how much I have on my plate. 

A couple of tips on what worked for me:

• Waking up before the rest of the family to take a shower. I know once the twins got up, I'd have to start running around and the next shower time may not happen till naptime
• Purging my closet and getting rid of frumpy, feel-ugly clothes. Like most people, my natural instinct is to lounge at home in my comfortabl-est threads (which are also usually threadbare). Getting rid of all the items that catered to my need to feel bla meant I couldn't default to the frumpy look at home. Dress frumpy, feel frumpy!

I'll be writing about being a working mother throughout October and sharing my personal experiences. Emphasis on personal. I realize that everyone's situation is different and what works for me may not be the best for someone else.

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Choose your poison, but don't let it kill you

Day 17 of my series on Work-Life Balance

poi·son

noun

noun: poison; plural noun: poisons

1. a person, idea, action, or situation that is considered to have a destructive or corrupting effect or influence.
   
   

So what's the whole idea about poison and the working mom? Life is stressful and everyone needs a break sometimes. Most people find their poison of choice in shopping, gambling, alcohol, drugs, coffee bla bla bla. In the context of this post, your poison is that thing that helps you relax but if uncontrolled can also be destructive.

For me, it's shopping. I love to shop and I shop to relax. I can jump off the couch at 9pm determined to go buy some milk immediately. Can it wait? Probably. It's not really the milk, it's my desire to just unwind/relax/decompress by being in a store. That's not a bad thing. The worst thing you can do to yourself is refuse to find something that helps you relax - one day you're gonna blow and it won't be pretty. 

That's what I tell myself. Retail therapy is my favorite form of therapy. When does it become destructive? 

• When you buy 5 pairs of shoes in one trip and "keep" them in the car so your spouse doesn't know.
• When you're running up a credit balance on discretionary purchases faster than you're making money
• When college and retirement savings accounts stay empty because all spare cash goes with you to the mall every weekend

How do I control my need to shop?

• Window-shopping: Recognizing that I just want to walk around the store for 30 minutes and buying is optional
• Budgeting and setting price limits: That's one of the reasons I held on to my $10 rule for buying the girls' clothes for so long. We have an annual budget for kid stuff and I have a clothes budget that I try to stick to
• Ignore marketing gimmicks: I've found that sales and once-in-a-lifetime-price ads make me want to buy immediately. However, I've also learnt that no matter how good a sale price is, it'll always come back so nothing has to be purchased now. Did y'all know that Banana Republic (in Canada at least) has 40% off every Wednesday? A random stranger told me that last month and I've found it to be true! So yeah, that fantastic sale price will always come back

Occasionally, I'll have a glass of wine after the kids are in bed but I also recognize that extremes can make any good thing go bad. Just like a glass of wine can be relaxing but passed out drunk every night will strain a family. So if I feel myself needing more than a customary glass, it's time for a self-check.

When work gets crazy and you need to do stuff to decompress; go right ahead. Your mind and your family will thank you for it.  When you feel your habit getting out of hand, pull back, set controls in place, get help, change your work situation, change jobs, DO SOMETHING

Relaxed happy working mother = relaxed happy kids

To paraphrase, "what doesn't make you stronger could kill you".

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35 Months Baby!

Interrupting my series on Work-Life Balance to bring you a big announcement. 

MY BABIES ARE 35 MONTHS OLD TODAY

You heard right. 30 more days to the big 3. Perhaps I am a tad bit excited about this. 

I don't know what we're going to do for their birthday which is on a Saturday yet. Party at home? Party in a play area? Or just a special family only day around time? 

No matter what, I have to tell you that the girls have been giving me glimpses of that the happy 3s and teenage years will be like. Their bonding, laughing, have an incredible sense of humour and have grown taller, bigger and "lippier"

Yeah, dem girls grew some lip this past month or so. With Sugar, when I say or do something she doesn't agree with, she makes a "tcha" sound with her lips. Similar to an adult hissing.
Spice on the other hand now has the habit of saying "what?!!". I don't mean a curious "what's that mom?", I mean an obnoxious "whatchu talkin bout girl?" that you would typically expect from a teenager, not a 35 month old person who's not even 3 feet tall yet! What is this world coming to?

All I keep hearing is my dentist's words in my head saying "3 year olds are 2 year olds with intention". Everyday, I see "intention" everywhere! Can't wait to see what the next stage holds :)

6 Team Members Every Mom Needs

Day 14 of my series on Work-Life Balance

There's a group of service providers that every mom needs to have in their contacts. For me as a mother working outside the home, these are the people that make up my team

1. A contractor you trust to be alone in your home - for renovations
2. A good handyman who's willing to work weekends (plumbers and electricians are critical)
3. A babysitter who familiar with the kids and willing to work evenings and/or weekends - for the occasional date nights, Christmas parties etc. 
4. An auto service that either allows overnight drop-offs or offer a shuttle service - without this, you'll end up spending precious weekend hours waiting for an oil change
5. A list of grocery stores with shopping cart accommodations for 2 kids OR a grocery delivery service
6. Doctors that work weekends or late hours - this is a bonus that's not always possible

I'll be writing about being a working mother throughout October and sharing my personal experiences. Emphasis on personal. I realize that everyone's situation is different and what works for me may not be the best for someone else.

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4 for the weekend

Day 12 of my series on Work-Life Balance

Someecards humour I can relate with!

House Keeping Hacks for the Working Parent

Day 8 of my series on Work-Life Balance

One crucial aspect of living a balanced life is eliminating the stressors and in my life, housework is a major stressor. Since I can't eliminate it by hiring someone to do it for me, then I have to make it simple and ensure it takes up less time. Hence the birth of my ever growing list of housework hacks. I must say, this is the post I've looked forward to the most from this series.

General Hacks:

• Clean in bites of 10 - 60 minutes depending on your mood and time. I can't devote hours in the weekend to cleaning my home, but I can find time for the tasks that need to be done if I break them into little bites. e.g, I don't have to scrub all the bathrooms in the house. I can do each one separately.
• Clean as needed, not on a schedule. Ties in to the first point. For instance, last time I washed my bathtub, it was 3AM. I got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and felt wide-awake, so I washed the tub (took all of 7 minutes) and went back to lie down. I can clean the 2nd bath while the kids are having their shower. I sweep the entryway on the way out (or in). It'll seem haphazard but actually becomes effortless with time. "When it looks dirty, I clean it" is the guiding philosophy here
• Keep cleaning equipment close to where they would be used. Chances are if you have to walk across the house to get something, there's enough distractions to guarantee that you won't be back. For example, I have a broom on every level of the house, one more in the patio and another in the garage. When any floor starts looking like crap, a broom is literally within arms length so I can get the task done asap

Laundry Hack:

• Buy clothes according to your desire to do laundry. For me, I want to do kiddie laundry once a week so the girls have about a week's worth of play/daycare clothes. If they have more, I would procrastinate with the laundry. Same thing applies to beddings and towels. 2 sets per bed and 2 per person respectively. I know another mom who would rather do laundry every 2 weeks - so her kids have enough clothes to take them through 2 weeks. There's no one-size fits all. The trick is to plan the family wardrobe size around how often you want to do laundry so that laundry does not add to your stress. Looking for what the kids will wear on a morning when you need to be out of the house pronto and coming up with nothing? STRESSFUL!

Cooking Hacks

•  Keep a list of easy effortless meals based on items you always have on hand. Consult this list for those times when you're running on an empty tank. I keep my list on a little whiteboard on the side of the range hood. I write the meals down because when I'm truly tired, my brain shuts down and I can't even muster the thoughts required to put together a simple balanced meal. On that list I have eggs, sandwiches, cereal, oatmeal, muffins, fried plantains and pounded yam. All are meal components that I can throw together and serve the girls something nutritious in under 15 minutes
• Find your happy place in freezer meals. For me, some meals are ok frozen and some I can't stand the taste once it's been frozen and then defrosted. I've learnt to cook those items partially, freeze and finish cooking later after defrosting. 
• In the same vein, it's good to know the defrosting methods that work for different items. Some do fine defrosted in the microwave and others are better off being slowly thawed to room temperature (baked goods fall into this category)

Cleaning Hacks:

• I have not vacuumed since we moved to our new house and no the carpets aren't a dingy mess. I have an iRobot. I can't tell you how much I love this little robot vacuum but I can assure you if it breaks, I will shed tears. We program it to clean daily and it delivers clean floors - hardwood and carpet. These nifty robot cleaners are not cheap, but they're worth it in my opinion
• Hate lugging a mop and bucket to clean wooden stairs? I do. Easier and more efficient to fill a bowl with soapy water and wipe down the stairs with a dishrag or old washcloth
• Bathroom sinks, floors and surfaces? Clean with disinfectant wipes like Lysol. This is another 5 minute task that I can fit into any time of the day. May not work for you if you have really big bathrooms.
• Bath and showers? Spray a 50:50 combination of vinegar and blue Dawn dishwashing soap. Go do something for 5 minutes. Come back, wipe the bath and shower and rinse. This is the most amazing thing I learnt on the blogosphere. (Thanks to Julia). Don't believe it works, see my evidence photo below. The top portion is not cleaned and has a yuck layer of soap and hardwater residue. The bottom portion was cleaned just as I described; didn't even have to scrub! As they used to say in the 7up ads, the difference is clear.

So, I showed you some of my hacks, your turn to show me yours. 

I'll be writing about being a working mother throughout October and sharing my personal experiences. Emphasis on personal. I realise that everyone's situation is different and what works for me may not be the best for someone else.

Click button to read other posts in this series

The Famous Dish on Work Life Balance

Day 5 of my series on Work-Life Balance

Asides from the working mothers that surrounded me as I was growing up, 2 of the working mothers that I admire the most are Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama. NOT because of their husbands' politics but because I see a bit of my life reflected in theirs. Both had their kids in their early 30s, so did I. Both had jobs outside the home before and after having kids, so do I. Both have worked in male-dominated professional environments and survived; I'm in the same boat and hope to come out strong.

Most importantly, I look at their children and think they are a pride to any parent. Behind every admirable child is a parent that worked their butt off to instill values in that child. That they did so while juggling careers and limelight is admirable. 

   

Hillary Clinton on tailoring your career to suit your family situation: "I’m not sure that I ever could have or would have run for the Senate, or for president, or had the job I currently have when my daughter was young. I think I would have been so conflicted and torn apart every trip I made, every weekend I missed. But I was lucky that I always worked; I always had that balance. I have had a lot of wonderful jobs. But my public career really came after Chelsea was grown." Quote from here
Michelle Obama on the stress of the perpetual balancing act: “I personally… know the challenges of leading a busy life at work and at home, trying to do a good job at both — and always feeling like you’re not quite living up to either — and trying not to pit one against the other, really trying to balance it so that — if people here are like me — I call myself a 120-percenter,” she said. “If I’m not doing any job at 120 percent, I think I’m failing. So if you’re trying to do that at home and at work, you find it very difficult and stressful and frustrating.” Quote from here
Hillary Clinton on the quality vs quantity of time debate: "Like every working mother, there's guilt involved in deciding how you're going to balance family and work. I tried to put as much time into taking care of Chelsea myself as I could. Bill and I alternated reading to her every night; we'd try to have a meal together every day, whether breakfast or dinner. Once a week, one of us would pick what we were going to do that night. We might go to a movie or go bowling or play tennis. I remember one time, Chelsea was about 3-and-a-half, and what she wanted to do was buy a coconut and crack it open, because she'd never seen that before. I think it's a false trade-off to say quality time versus quantity — you have to have both. So if you have long work hours like I did, how do you get rid of things in your life you don't need in order to put that extra time into your children?" Quote from here
Michelle Obama on the importance of consistency for the kids: "I used to get up in the morning and go to an office. Now I get up and go to a plane. ... My kids still don't care where I am," she said. "They've always known two parents to work in the household and as long as we're back in time for bedtime, they could care less where we are." Quote from here

Dear mom reading this today, you are not alone. Others have done this before you and survived. Let their stories be an encouragement for you. Learn from them. 

I'll be writing about being a working mother throughout October and sharing my personal experiences. Emphasis on personal. I realise that everyone's situation is different and what works for me may not be the best for someone else.

Click button to read other posts in this series

Setting boundries for work and home

Day 3 of my series on Work-Life Balance

It took me a while to understand the importance of setting the boundaries for my home life and work life and also deciding where the meeting point will be. I had to go back and review my life priorities before I could set boundaries.

To give you a bit of background, for work I'm physically in the office 8-5 on weekdays. I am however "on call" round the clock including weekends. As a single girl and even when I was married with no kids, I had no problem taking my work everywhere with me. Now that I have kids, work has a box it has to stay in. Conversely, I cannot use motherhood as an excuse for less than professional behavior at work; so I have to set boundaries. Here's an example of what my boundaries look like

Boundaries For Work

• No working on weekends except for emergencies
• No working on weekday evenings when the girls are awake. Anything that has to be done happens after their bedtime - and oh, that includes blogging stuff as well
• Shut it down at least 10 minutes before closing so I pick up the girls on time
• Does this drill sound familiar to you. 2 days before your vacation starts, something happens that "may" require you to cancel your plans so you can fix it. No!!!! Be inflexible about cancelling previously arranged family times for unexpected work demands. Unless you're Marissa Mayer (and if you are, you wouldn't be reading this), the company stock price is not going to dip because you took a vacation.

Boundaries For Home Life

• No bringing my kids to the office. If they have to be home, then I take the day off or use my vacation days
• No bringing kids' stuff to the office (strollers etc stay in the car or the daycare)
• Never, ever, ever show up for work with the remains of the kids breakfast or random bodily fluids on my clothes. There was a time I carried spare clothes in the car for backup

Where the 2 may overlap

• Office Christmas parties for the family

How to make it work

• Let the relevant people at know you have kids. Tell them at appropriate times or place a picture of your kids in a visible part of your space even if you are not a picturery person (I'm not)
• Be unapologetic about having reproduced or adopted a little human that needs you. All human beings started out young! Some workplaces can be very hostile towards women with families. Grow a thick skin to it. Your kids are too precious for you to be apologizing for their existence and priority in your life
• Use an end-of-the-day alarm. A friend of mine gave me this tip. When she worked with a boss who was very fond of late afternoon meetings she started setting an alarm on her phone for 10 minutes before close. When the alarm goes off in the middle of the meeting, "sorry boss, I have to pick up my kids from daycare". The boss got it fast!  

I know I've sounded preachy the last few days but that's not my aim. I really would love to hear about your experiences with balancing motherhood and a job outside the home.

I'll be writing about being a working mother throughout October and sharing my personal experiences. Emphasis on personal. I realise that everyone's situation is different and what works for me may not be the best for someone else.

Click button to read other posts in this series

Embrace your mommy style

Day 2 of my series on Work-Life Balance

Early last year, I read a book called Motherstyles by Janet Penley and Diane Eble; partly because I love studying human psychology and partly because the book had rave reviews. 

What I didn't know was that until I read the book, I felt uncomfortable with certain aspects of my mothering style. I wondered if the stress of working outside the home was making me a less than perfect mother. If I had to grade myself, I would have been a strong C. (Half empty cup and all)

Reading this book gave me insight into the concept of "mothering style" and the 16 different styles, their strengths as well as challenges

• ISTJ mothers are good at raising hard-working, independent kids but struggle with being flexible and perfectionism
• ESTP mothers are the fun, adventurous mothers every kid wants but they are not domestic divas

and on and on it went. Every personality had something they excelled in and something they totally sucked at in the mothering arena.

After reading the book, I realized that there were other mothers like me out there. We all have our mothering styles and there is no one good style or no one bad style. Up until then, I felt a pressure to keep up with the "mother Joneses", to get things done while being giddily happy around my children 24 hours of the day. 

Suffice to say, my expectations from myself were unrealistic and when I did not meet them, I blamed my job for my mothering "shortcomings". Not true. In all honesty, I would struggle with the same mothering issues with or without a job outside the home. My struggles had more to do with my personality than my job. Coming to terms with my mothering style has been instrumental in my serenity - I accept the things I can't change and change the things I can.  

Dear mom reading this, I've spent the first 2 days talking about the issues related to self-acceptance because balance starts from within. There is no work-life synergy unless you are content with YOU. Embrace yourself.

More Resources for learning more about Mothering styles and personalities
Mothering Personality Quiz
Motherstyles official website

I'll be writing about being a working mother throughout October and sharing my personal experiences. Emphasis on personal. I realise that everyone's situation is different and what works for me may not be the best for someone else.

Click button to read other posts in this series

Knowing Your Ws for Work and Life

Day 1 of my series on Work-Life Balance

When I was growing up, I owned a lunch flask that had the 5 Ws on it - who, what, when, where and why. It's fair to say that most of life's pertinent questions can be asked using one of these words. How is this relevant to achieving balance as a working mother you may ask. Because there are a few W questions a working mother needs to answer as a first step towards balance and peace

• What am I? What are my priorities in life? Knowing this guides my decision making process in periods of emotional overload where I can't always be logical or coherent.  I'm a Christian, wife, mother, daughter, sister, engineer, friend and part of the community (more or less in that order)
• When am I ready for a change in my current work-life dynamics? No matter how content I am with my current situation, my work requirements will change as my family situation changes When my oldest kids start kindergarten  I would want to have the work flexibility to pick them up from school and take them to their various activities. 
• Who am I working for? For myself because I need the mental challenge that my career provides. For my daughters because I want them to know being a career woman and mother are not 2 mutually exclusive roles. For my family and society because I appreciate the difference I can make
• Where do I see myself 10 years from now? Earning income independent of any employer. Having more control of my work hours
• Why am I a working mother? People will always ask this. Sometimes out of curiosity and sometimes out of condemnation.  I'm a third-generation working mother and I've never personally met a stay-at-home mom until I moved to North America as a 29 year old. I was born and raised in Lagos, Nigeria where most families had 2 working parents. That's our culture and that's how we lived and  there were/are no negatives associated with being a working mom. I enjoy the work that I do and even though I am physically in a different part of the world, my lifestyle and values are still heavily influenced by my home culture

My answers are in grey.  

I believe every working mother needs to think of those questions and peel away the layers until the honest answers come through. There are no wrong answers; instead knowing the answers helps me stay grounded and shields me from the occasional attack of my life choices that sometimes comes from the most unexpected quarters. 

Most recently, it was my (young, single, male) colleague who casually and non-maliciously remarked that I couldn't possibly be an influence in my kids' lives since they were being raised by the daycare. It took 3 minutes of control for me to shake off the desire to walk across to his table and yank his head clean off his shoulders "Kill Bill" style. It took another 5 minutes for me to breath through the feelings of guilt that overwhelmed me -  "I'm a bad mother because my children are in daycare being raised by strangers." 

My answers to my W questions are my truth and peace

The search for work-life balance has to start with being at peace with your decision to have a job outside of your home while raising your kids. Without that truth and peace, your soul will be assaulted every time someone suggests that your job is an excuse to neglect your kids welfare and indulge in your penchant for gel manicures.

Dear mom reading this, know your Ws and own them! 

I'll be writing about being a working mother throughout October and sharing my personal experiences. Emphasis on personal. I realise that everyone's situation is different and what works for me may not be the best for someone else.

PS: Anyone else watch Kill Bill over 50 times? Yes? No? Was I alone in my weird fascination with this movie?