The 5 Love Languages of Children

24 June 2014

The 5 Love Languages of Children is a book I've had in my Kindle library for almost 2 years now but I did not finish reading it until May this year. Not because it's not an interesting read, but because it's best applied to older kids. 

The original The Five Love Languages book was a huge bestseller for Gary Chapman and this version of the book delves into the application of the 5 love languages to the parent child-relationship. The 5 love languages concept says  that most people have a primary preference for how they give and perceive love. It would be one of:

  • Physical touch
  • Words of affirmation
  • Quality time
  • Gifts
  • Acts of service

The book expands on those 5 languages in chapters 2 to 6 before going into the  application of the theory of love languages in the realm of parenting. 

My Review: Here's a few of the many ah-ha moments I had while reading this book
  • My love language is gifts. People with this love language love to give and receive THOUGHTFUL gifts. Emphasis on "thoughtful". The flip side of that is that when a loved one gives a gift that's not well thought out, I could run that gamut of emotions from sad to extremely pissed off. Ah-ha moment #1: I learnt what makes me tick (and sometimes tock and explode)
  • Spice's preferred love language of choice is physical touch. She quick to give hugs and knows how to milk them out of even the sternest caregivers. After reading the chapter on physical touch as a love language, I got a better understanding of why she always asks me to "scratch her back" when she's tired and always asks for a hug after I scold or discipline her. Ah-ha moment #2: Scratch my back is code for "love me mummy" 
  • Sugar's preferred language is quality time: Of late she BEGS to help me in the kitchen and with the laundry and gets really upset when she can't. Occassionally, she would look up from what she's doing and ask me to come play with her. Sometimes I'm busy and tell her "later". After observing and realizing that these were her way of asking for love in her dominant love language, I never brush aside her request for extra time and attention. Ah-ha moment #3: When this little girls asks for attention, she's really saying "do you love me". My yes is giving her my full attention
The author emphasizes the importance of nurturing all the 5 love languages in kids and not putting them in a box or labeling. That's good advice and important because love languages can and do change with age and stage for children and they grow up to be more emotionally stable as adults when they learn to give and receive love using all 5 languages. 

Since reading this book, I've been able to apply the concepts not just to my parenting but also other aspects of my life. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I will be referencing this book at regular intervals forever.

There's a reason why The Five Love Languages has been on the New York times bestseller list for 62 weeks. It's because it works and can be life-changing. 

If you're read this or any of the other adaptations, what did you think of it?

More information and some free resources available on the 5 love languages website

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