This Time Will Be Different



 Letter To The Mom I Was in March 2010; One Month Pregnant with Twins

You're pregnant! 
The home test kit said so. 
The doctor confirmed it. 
You should be happy. 

I wish you would be happy; but I know you're scared. 
It's been a long five years; 
and you've learnt that a positive pregnancy test does not lead to a baby. 
Nor does a doubling beta HCG. 
Nor does making it to the end of the first trimester. 

I know it's hard to be ecstatic when only a year ago you watched helplessly as your little boy grew angel wings
I wish you could hear me now; I would tell you to trust.
Trust God that He's got it all under control 
Trust your body that it can successfully nourish this pregnancy. 
Trust your babies that they are as eager to be with you as you are them. 
This time will be different!

Do you remember the first month of your pregnancy? If you could go back in time, what would you tell yourself? 

12 comments :

  1. Wow. I remember a lot of the same feelings. Powerful. Thanks for sharing.

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    1. Yep. We've come a long way haven't we?! :)

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  2. What a sweet letter! It captures all of the emotions that can be felt when that little test comes up positive.

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    1. It is an emotional moment I tell you

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  3. That post brought back memories for me too with the positive pregnancy test that led to a baby I could hold. The innocence of being happy without any doubts left with the first of many miscarriages. It would have been nice to know that "this time will be different." Great post.

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    1. So true Teresa. I envy the women who go through pregnancy innocently. Unaware of the long list of "oh nos" that could happen

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  4. Oh my...you have no idea how true this rings with me. I was 9 months pregnant and they told me on Wednesday my baby boy was gone and I delivered him on Saturday. My first baby. Eight days shy of one year later, I delivered twins...a son and a daughter...and today they are 26 years old. From July 1985 to July 1986, I buried my first child, had pancreatitus and almost died, my beloved grandmother passed away,found out on Christmas Eve morning (my mother's birthday) I was 9 weeks pregnant (again) with twins :D, had a cyst on my pancreas 15 inches big full of poison,(3 months pregnant), they took my gall bladder out (4.5 months pregnant), spotted (7 months), and delivered them, healthy and well!! It was a long year. I'm looking forward to reading this blog...take care.

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    1. Wow! Thank you for sharing. This is a strong and poignant testimony

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    2. It was my pleasure. It's hard to tell sometimes. The line in your poem about how only a short year ago, your baby boy grew angel's wings really rang home!! When someone miscarries at, say, 6 or 7 weeks, when they are pregnant again and arrive successfully at 8 weeks, they are "past that point". It offers a safer feeling... a relief, if you will. I had to deliver before I "passed that point". I was 60 pounds lighter at 4.5 months because my gall bladder was so bad and nothing stayed down. Their body weights together were 11 pounds and I gained 16 for the entire 9 months!! It didn't matter what I had to endure, their lives were so worth every second!!!!

      I can't wait to read this and walk this path with you.

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  5. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  6. I love your blog even more now that I know you have an angel baby too.

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  7. Your story gives me hope. On day 10 of my IVF medication, first cycle. Mom has stage IV lung and brain cancer. In a race to make her a grandma, and blogging about it here: http://megandewitt.blogspot.com/

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